MGTOW Feels Right, For Now

My story could be considered the standard model that we find with the nerdy guys these days.

Young, single, tall, mid-twenties, white guy here.  I’d say I have a pretty good life setup.  A job that pays around 60k.  A body that I take care of at the gym. A mind that’s pretty aware, and some side business ideas that might start to take off (with a couple failures already under my belt).  Hopefully one or two of them will work out so I have extra income to secure my long term independence.

High school was a blur of homework, sports, video games, and having a pretty regimented lifestyle dictated by my parents.  I didn’t like it at the time, but looking back, was something that most kids need in order to succeed and not turn into entitled college kids/adults.  I had a lot of friends from science fair and sports, and felt like each day was full of activity.

But when it came to relationships, I thought there was something wrong with me.  Each time I’d get a girlfriend, it just didn’t feel right…as if I was playing into her frame and trying to appease to her emotions when I’d ‘Do something wrong.” (even though studying vs. hanging out with her felt like a logical decision to me).

This perpetuate to college, where after a long distance relationship fell apart, I dove into the seduction community lifestyle.  Read up on The Game, read all the Blueprint material, practiced failing with girls left and right, and somehow started getting laid by some girls that I didn’t think was possible.  Found reddit during this time, and the r/seduction forum was a trove of material to read through.

But it just didn’t feel real, and after a few months, I began spiraling into a depressive state.  It just felt like the whole relationship game was just that, a “game.”  When I’d be my “nice self”, doing thoughtful things because I know I’d like it if they did the same, those same girls would be driven away.  I couldn’t be honest with the girls I got, and would end up just play the same “if-then” decision tree logic that would keep their minds thinking about me.  Push-pull technique, negging, playing them off each other…it was all bullshit.

My third year I snapped.  GPA dropped from a 3.8 to 3.4.  I bought myself a superbike (cbr1000rr, full black body armor) and just began racing around at night, forgot about my classes for a quarter, and didn’t deal with the girls.

It was amazing.  I’d start riding at midnight, ride until the tank was empty, refill, go to the ocean to listen to the waves crash, and back to the college campus, fill up again, and get home at 4am. I felt like I was actually living.  I wasn’t thinking of my engineering courses, I wasn’t thinking of how messed up things felt in my head, and felt like I could escape from it all.  In retrospect, it was pretty irresponsible, but finding a balance might be the right way moving forward.

My fifth year at college, I encountered r/theredpill, and my paradigm shifted dramatically.  Here was a group of people who seemed to ‘get it.’  Spent hours reading about the different life approach, becoming the man you’ve wanted to become, with the focus on internal motivation and desires.  I really liked the concept, and applied it to my life with great results.  5-10 pounds of new muscle, actually not worrying so much about what people are thinking around me, new friends who liked me for me (as cliché as that sounds).  The theories and concepts feel dead-on to me.

During these months I also found MGTOW, and initially thought it was full of guys who were back-rationalizing their failure with women, saying they weren’t worth it in the first place.  And sure, maybe some of the guys here are like that, but I’m finding the silent majority of MGTOW individuals are at a different state in their life.

At the end of the day, it felt like my value as an individual had gone up dramatically, while the girls I was trying to go for (or more found me attractive) had a value that was so comparably low that it made me wonder why I felt ‘accomplished’ by getting one in the first place.  As if I was looking at a currency for the value it actually was, vs. the massively inflated value other people gave it.

I find it weird to have a girl say “I love you,” when I know she’s said that multiple times with the same devoted, sincere face.  It felt wrong.  It felt weird to have half my ego tied up in getting girls that would do some shady things and rationalize that they were in the right.

It just doesn’t feel worth it.  A saying could be “The juice isn’t worth the squeeze.”  (At least in the limited experience I’ve had in both years and geographic/cultural experience)

Removing the stigma of thinking relationships/marriage/family is the “acceptable” life path has freed my mind to focus on the projects/business ideas at hand.  For now, MGTOW feels right.  So for anyone else who feels this way, hopefully this type of story can be something to relate to.

NOTE: I’ll admit it could still be a confirmation bias situation, or compensating for getting burned kinda hard in a relationship a few years ago, but that’s something to remember when reading this.

TL;DR: MGTOW, when you understand that it doesn’t mean you stop talking to girls, actually makes a lot of sense to me these days.

Mental Suicide

A few things first: This is a scatterbrain post to myself, to maybe help me gain perspective.  If you gain something from this as well, great.

Suicide

Hearing or saying that word makes you look around, concerned about what others will think or say about you, doesn’t it?  For me, it’s a topic of thought that has been floating around in my mind since 9th grade, nearly a decade ago. 

I’m not talking about the infatuation of how to end things and move on to the next dimension.  It’s just seeing a futility in the improvements I’ve made since embarking on my personal journey to become my own boss and gain financial stable.  A pointless mastery of sleeping with American women who are selling something that I’m not looking to buy.  Talking with people who don’t seem to understand how life is like a game that everyone wants to believe is absolutely real, and take things too seriously.

Clinical Diagnosis: depression.  Personal Diagnosis: un-fulfilling life. 

Clinical Treatment: drugs.  Personal Treatment: unknown (for now).

First step when I hit these low situations is to pull back and do my best to objectively evaluate how I got to this mental point. 

Maybe it’s been my recent life situations:

• Working a job for a company, spending the majority of my productive time (and sunlight time) making money for someone else, with the constant internal reminder that I am not doing what I want to be doing. (Don’t get me wrong, people there are great, and the job is what I’m good at, just not a long-term life choice)
• I lost a close family member unexpectedly, someone who would always (I mean always) have kind words and made me feel like the world was a nice place with nice people. 
• I foolishly trusted business partners on a venture without getting exact terms down on paper, and now I’m in the process of recuperating what I can of the 5 figure investment through court (set me back a couple of years financially, and exposure to some scary situations and people for a young guy).
• I’ve unintentionally isolated myself from old and new friends for the pursuit of my own personal goals
• I turned 24 in the past few months.

That last one.  Twenty Four. 

I remember exactly what I was telling myself at 21. Where I would be, and the sacrifices I was ‘willing’ to make to reach those goals. They weren’t even psycho goals of millions of dollars!  One was about burning off 10 pounds of fat and gaining the tan, fit, athletic build I know I’m capable of (Note: I’m already pretty fit.  198lbs, ~15% bf, 4 pack, Squat 225lbs, Deadlift 315, Swim 3000 meters straight).    And here I am today, 3 years later, with little progress, having maintained the same shape and form, the small layer of subcutaneous fat around the belly that only I would notice or talk about.  Now I feel that subcutaneous layer developing in my mind, a barrier that’s building up for me to overcome in order to take the leap into a different lifestyle.

And I already know what some would be thinking right now, and what others have told me.  To take stock at how lucky I am for my current life situation.  White…tall…fit…male…job…single….good family…from an outsiders perspective, you could say that people would die to be in my position, right?  And I’m aware of the counter arguments too: how you can’t compare your benchmark to others, because you don’t know their life sotry and own personal strife.

I don’t want to say I’m depressed cause that’s just some stupid attention seeking behavior.  It even feels like this post is a statement to elicit pity from the reader. I feel like I can’t admit when I’m sad, down, or angry (especially admit that to women) because it’s something that’s not ‘manly’ and can be used as emotional ammunition down the line.

Anyways, my past attempts to fill this void:

• Workout Hard (5×5 Strong Lifts, Long Distance Swimming)
• Yoga (4 x week)
• Eat healthy (meat, vegetables, healthy fats, water)
• Supplements (Fish oil, Green Tea, Vitamin D, Zinc, Bulletproof Coffee, Alpha Brain, Creatine, Phosphatidyl Choline, Tyrosine from time to time)
• Consistent Sleeping Schedule
• Multiple Business Ventures
• New Programming Languages
• Making New Friends

I find it funny how after I write that, you’d think my resulting happiness would at least be something to be proud of.  And yes it’s been good, but I’m just unsure of what I really want. I pull myself into multiple directions from what I see other great men achieve. I climb and conqueror multiple mental mountains, only to realize that once I get to the top of this fictitious mountain, I actually just want to create art, travel, and not chase after societal milestones of success.  Or is that just an excuse to not have to push through towards the larger goals?

Maybe I’m just seeking answers to my mental quagmire that can never be answered. Maybe I’m really the crazy one who believes that life just isn’t real.  A simulation that we all awake from at the end of our lives (link).

Even as I write, a self-conscious mindset begins to develop and turn into this vicious cycle of cat n mouse, wanting to let the creativity flow , yet also wanting makes me aware of the futility…and I end up just writing a couple of sentences or building half a website, and then giving up on the thought because I see the whole discussion as silly because I’m the audience I’m writing for.

I’m just one of those guys trying to figure things out, and god damn, it can take you to hard places if you’re unwilling to  bullshit yourself to the reality of life.

Future Plans:

• Lab tests (Testosterone Deficiency, Thyroid Deficiency ‘T3 & T5’, Growth Hormone Deficiency)
• Supplements (Kratom,Glutathione)
• Keep writing
• Keep working out
• Keep pushing through the bullshit mindset
• Continue development on 2 other ventures that are low-cost

Iconic Men – Quick Links

It’s been a while since I’ve written a new blog post, and thought that I should bring some structure to the future posts that I create.  Below is the breakdown of what I’ve written, from the beginning of this blog to now.  Over the next few days/weeks, look for a better layout so you’re able to find what you’re looking for.

Best of luck, and keep moving forward:

Mentality

• The Moment – (10/18/13)
• Primal Disconnect – (10/15/13)
• Sound Familiar? – (10/15/13)
• Self Success – (10/20/13)
• Clearing Out The Cobwebs – (10/14/13)
• Fear Of Judgement – (10/11/13)
• The Process vs The Idea –  (10/10/13)
• Take Action – (10/4/13)
• Careful Of Self Deception – (10/6/13)
• Self-Talk’s Potential – (10/9/13)

Red Pill

• SMV – Is It Real? – (10/24/13)

Improvement Programs

• Primal Kingdom – (10/20/13)
• Start Writing – (10/4/13)
• 5 Morning Steps To A Great Day – (10/6/13)
• Making Positive Affirmations Work – (10/13/13)
• Accountability To Succeed – (10/13/13)

Reposts

• Where Anger Leads – (12/3/13)

Personal

• Mental Suicide – (1/13/14)
• The Beginning – (10/4/13)
• College To Now – (10/4/13)

Where Anger Leads

Not much to say, other than to check this link out. Always appreciate good work from other individuals.

M3

I hear this quite a lot:

“There is so much anger in the sphere. This anger works against you and just makes you look like a bunch of angry bitter misogynists who hate women.”

I won’t deny there are many angry men in the sphere.

As i mentioned to Tarnished Sophia in my previous post here, a majority of the anger in the sphere comes from men who are freshly introduced into the sphere on what could arguably be the worst day of their life. The day their marriage ends, the day they get frivorced, the day they get cheated on by their soul mate, the day their kids are taken from them, the day they end up going to jail for a false rape, or not being able to keep up with outrageous sums of child support.

And they stay angry for a while, as everything they grew…

View original post 2,549 more words

SMV – Is it Real?

I was reading about a post on reddit.com/r/theredpill that talked about a study that confirmed how men tend to get more action later-on than women, and how the numbers were justified. This discussion centers around the concept of the sexual market value (SMV for short) of an individual as they go throughout their life.  Composed of looks, financials, and knowledge, the SMV for an individual depends on their natural biology, as well as active action to improve their own value.  Better descriptions and articles of SMV can be shown here:

http://therationalmale.com/2012/06/04/final-exam-navigating-the-smp/

In general, the hypothesis follows that women tend to gain their highest value as they approach their late teens though their mid twenties. This type of graph was based from well thought out personal experiences of many males, so it could be attacked for its data integrity because of the bias of the individual who created the graph.  In my personal experience, I’m finding this SMV graph to be completely true in my day to day life (23 year old male, solid job, improving my value constantly)

But I wanted to know if there was a way to put some science behind the numbers.  Which is what the Kinsey Institue has provided (Source at bottom of article). Their study covers a vast amount of information related to the sexual tendencies of individuals, but the two graphs that I focused on are below (snapshots, unmodified, bad quality, but you’ll get the idea with the graphs):

I thought that because my title at work is a Business Analyst, I could take that data and put it in a form that the average indidivual would be able to understand in a snapshot, with some justifications.  This is not a graph displaying the sexual market value (SMV) of an individual.  What it is displaying is direct results of the the average SMV of the sample size, indicative of the US population.  (Note: My apologies for the soft language, can’t have that all over my computer while at work)

These numbers were broken down and weighted based upon the average number of encounters per category (Monthly = 1, 2-3 times/week = 10, etc.) so that we could multiple the percentage by this average to get a weighted value.  Those weighted values were then averaged to produce the average number of encounters/100 individuals/month, which was then divided by 100 to create an individual output of # of Encounters/individual.  (for some reason my image quality is horrendous, so I’ll look at putting the excel file on a shared drive for people to access)

That finalized information is displayed below:

(Image = Crap, Analysis = Gold)

Those numbers were then put into a display, broken down into the three categories (Single, Partnered, Married).  The results speak for themselves, but of course being an Analyst, I put my own words beneath each of them.

Singles Information

 

Analysis: This is probably the most stark comparison and example of the hypergamy and SMV models combined.  It’s very evident from the layout of how women tend to peak with regards to fulfilling their needs before the age of 30, and then experience an immediate drop in number of encounters.  The drop-off could be due to many factors (decrease in SMV, decrease in desire for more encounters), but it shows the objective decrease in encounters.  For males, you can see how an increase in SMV would result in this data output, with the number of encounters being much higher and sustained between the 30-60 year old period compared to their female counterparts.  The differentials also show that the males in the 30-60 year old brackets are securing the women in the 18-30 year old bracket (possibly the 70+ bracket as well).

Partnered Information

Analysis: Partnered individuals are showing a hybrid between the Singe and Married graphical outputs.  In comparison to the Single data, Partnered averages track each other more closely.  Causation could be due to multiple figures, mainly because an individual is a partner with their male counterpart.  In comparison to the Married data, we are still seeing the same trend that the Single’s shows, where women peak earlier than the men, but men show their own peak in the following years.

Married Information

Analysis:  This is what I would think is expected for individuals who are married.  The numbers should track each other (in an ideal situation, the curves would match exactly).  Confirms the thought that as a marriage continues, the amount of sexual encounters, on the average, decreases.

I could do some t-testing, ANOVA, p-value, etc. if need to make some of my statements based in scientific conclusions, but I didn’t feel like it at the time I wrote this.  That would add more weight to the analysis that has been completed by my end, but it seemed a little too obvious to get into that much detail.  But if this becomes an issue I will gladly create that analysis (and bore to death half the crowd reading this).

So now we actually have some SMV data correlations that is backed by a solid study done by a 3^rd party to reduce the chance of bias.  Kinda cool when “what you think is probably true” can be confirmed through some analysis of well collected data.

I would appreciate it if someone would confirm my analysis so we can get the data displays verified.  Somewhat of a “this guy is full of shit” analysis.  I can send the excel analysis if anyone is interested, or can post it if want to look at the logic behind it.

Source of data: http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#frequency

Primal Kingdom

We are a busy society by nature, where we don’t spend the time to thoroughly analyze people and situations.  Instead, we tend let our minds make quick assumptions about a person or situation after a small amount of information has filtered through to our biases into our minds.  This isn’t exactly a bad way to go about life.  It’s how our ancestors were able to survive situations when other animals would ponder why the jaguar had such sharp teeth.

But that primal side of our mind is still around and actively involved in our day to day lives.  Just think about the times you’ve made quick judgments based on someone’s choice of clothing, car, skin cleanliness, shoes, the way they walk, the way they talk.  I’m talking about the judgment that enters into your mind as a knee jerk reaction to a situation, before your higher mind comes in to try to combat the primal response.  There’s no real way to hold back that initial swing you feel.

It doesn’t matter how judging someone who’s overweight as being an irresponsible lard is a “mean” thing to do.  It doesn’t matter if you’re a nice guy but don’t workout to maintain a fit body, because the girl doesn’t initial care compared to the hulk who can “protect” her if things go down.  Other people’s minds see things based upon their past experiences, like muscle memory, as well as the primal impact it would have on your life.  The feelings and emotions that people feel when they enter into a new situation is a result of thousands upon thousands of pieces of information that their mind is analyzing in the first few seconds of an interaction. So if you want to try to convince other people’s primal side of their minds that it’s doing the wrong thing…well best of luck.

Feels harsh?  Too bad.

Instead, I recommend that you focus on yourself. Redesign your personal vessel to reflect what you know exists in your interior so that you can begin to attract individuals who enjoy being around who you truly are.  Dress your body the way you want to be perceived.  Workout to look the way you want to look in order to attract others who are built with the same ethic.  I heard a good quote before that went something like this:

If you wish to be with a queen, you must first become a king

This directly applies to relationships, but it also applies to any aspect of your life.  So figure out what type of kingdom you wish to build, and craft your body and exterior to reflect that internal belief of what you want to become.

Self Success

As you go about your journey of personal transformation, you might find that people in your periferal and immediate surroundings will begin to notice the change, and will go two ways: accept & foster, or identify & ridicule.  Now you can think about analyzing why the people would initially fight or accept the change you want to see in yourself, but what’s more interesting to notice is after you fight for change, and are beginning to see the rewards come down your path, to see how those people who initially ridiculed you now act.  You may find that those same people who shit on your dream are now “turning around” to the idea and now want to be your partner in success.  Sure they can be inspired, but usually that inspiration is saved for the people who encouraged the growth when you took the first step.

In particular, I’m talking about business.

When you’ve thought of an idea or service that might be of use for others, when you had to find others who were willing to come on the journey with you, when you had to deal with people who said that you were going down the wrong path.  After you’ve faced the internal adversity of self doubt, who keeps telling you that you’re not special, you’re not made for this, you should take the path that people know and be fine with that.  And it’s the external adversity of financial hurdles and technical/service challenges that beat you down.

It’s once you’re able to face and weather the initial storm, and begin to see the light.  That’s when I notice that the naysayers, or as I like to term them, “predators,” begin to circle around your own success hoping for a free lunch.

Don’t give anyone a free lunch and piggyback off of your own sweat and blood.  Ever.

There’s a definite difference between those people who want to help you out cause they’re great people.  You’ll know when you see it.

What I’m talking about are those individuals and companies that tend to come in, offering what seems to be a lot of cash at the time, for 40-50% of your firm.  Sure it looks like a great idea at the time, but ask yourself if the suffering you’ve gone through is worth giving up control of what you’ve built.  If you’re willing to give up half your child to someone who says they will care for it and help it grown into your legacy.  Because no one is going to care more about your success than yourself.  Bar None, Full Stop.

So yes, if you’ve done your homework and know that capital requirements require a cash infusion, then it’s time to look for an investor to come in on your terms.

You dictate the pace in your life.  You dictate if people can walk over you once you’ve built a brand worth selling.  You’ve built the idea and beat away all the adversity to be where you’re at today.  It’s all up to you.

The Moment

That moment when you have one last rep to complete on the bench press, and your mind says “just take it easy and don’t hurt yourself.”

That moment when you’ve got just one more mile on your run when the thoughts start saying “you know you can just stop and walk, right?”

It’s the moment where you’re mind is terrified to talk in front of a group of people or speak your mind, saying “don’t do it, you might get hurt.”

Whether or not you’ve experienced one of the above examples, I’m certain you’ve experienced a similar time where your mind begins to tell you to “take it easy”, to “not push itself”, to go after the easy reward and rationalize your failures later (well maybe it doesn’t say that, but you know that in retrospect).

And I’m certain that you’ve had times of anger where you’ve told that voice to go F itself, and you then pushed through that moment in strength. Afterwards, when you look back, whether you succeeded or failed, there’s that feeling of accomplishment, as well as a feeling of being perplexed to why you didn’t do this before.

We only grow when we are willing to push beyond the barriers that we place on ourselves. The discovery phase of your life happens when you’re willing to push beyond what you’re comfortable doing, when you begin to go against the grain of society or your inner self. It’s why the entrepreneurs and “go-getters” in society seem to have an amazing amount of knowledge or seem larger than life: because they are always in the discovery phase of their limits, and pushing past them.

So become larger than yourself by discovering the self-imposed limits you have in your mind, and see if you can push beyond those limits. Whether it’s one more repetition, running one more mile, doing one more homework problem, or just trying to become more disciplined, find that limit, and show that there’s nothing holding you back. Once you’re able to repeat this process, people will slowly gravitate towards your greatness to ask you how you’ve become larger than life, how you pushed yourself to a new level.

The only thing holding you back is the same person you see in the mirror. So take a look at that bastard and go after your goals.

Primal Disconnect

We seem to need timers to keep us awake, coffee to push us through the morning, and ambien to get us through the night. When we workout, we take all the pre and post supplements that juice our cells with 500% the normal cortisol and amino acid levels we should be stabilized with. Use monitoring systems to know when our heart rate is too elevated, calorie counters to know if our salad has to much dressing and might break your ketotonic state.

Be primal for a bit, listen to when your body should wake up, without an alarm. Go out on a weekend with a sleeping bag and tent to see what happens when you sleep under the stars. Turn off your devices at home and watch how quickly you feel alone and disconnected. And that’s a good thing, because it makes you realize how afraid you are to be by yourself.

We’ve become so disconnect by placing these technological filters on our natural feedback processes, trusting pseudo science and hand picked studies to make your case seem right for the path your following.

So calm down, drink some wine, sit on your couch and have complete quiet. Your mind will let you know how comfortable you are with yourself.

Sound Familiar?

Go to school, get good grades, miss hanging with friends, work on science fair, win at science fair, back to school, do sports for college applications, become an officer to look like ‘leadership material,’ more tests, more homework assignments, less sleep. Time for college applications, stress about how people think you’re doing, maintain face with family, get into college, but no time
to wait. Pre class work, club involvement for a job, do sports to look like leadership material for companies, homework, all nighters, team projects, blackout at a party cause it’s ‘fun’.

Senior year, holy shit, what happened, baggy eyes, job interviews, resume bolstering, ‘of course I want to work here overtime for low pay to learn your ways.’ Get a job, that first paycheck looks great, oh wait…taxes, loans, rent, food, 401k, rinse and repeat for 40 years. One day you get called in and are given the golden watch and told you made it…

Familiar story…and it scares me to the core, which is why I’m spending every waking breath going after financial freedom.

You go after your own journey, don’t let the above story become yours.