Clearing out the Cobwebs

Developing a sense of purpose in the work you do creates an underlying current of drive and emotion for you to tap into when things get tough, as well as handle the hard choices in life.

If you don’t take the time to know why you are going about a certain path in life, you’re susceptible to having the current of other people and situations dictate where you end up. It’s then, when you’re at the destination determined by situations, where you look back and wish you had swam away from the current and onto shore, where you would have begun to chart your own path (long analogy, but it makes things clear). Either that, or you blame the circumstances for where you ended up.

Now I’m not saying that it’s completely your fault for being where you’re at. You might be completely justified in pointing the finger at a person or event that debilitated your plan, but it doesn’t change your current situation. So let all the blame out, write down how angry or annoyed at how you felt betrayed or whatever you experienced.

Once you write down those external barriers, you’ll have a better idea of how to approach the situation in the future and get back on track to your aspirations.

It’s like clearing n cleaning out your house, except your mind is what we’re taking the Lysol to task with. In your home, when things get cluttered and disheveled, you tend to find your own stress levels raised for no apparent reason. Same thing with your mind. If you don’t clear out the negative blaming mentality, you’ll find it hard to stay on track and focus on the positive.

Get it on paper, let it all out, and then throw it in the waste basket where it belongs.

Fulfillment of Writing

Why do I think everyone should write everyday?

It empties the mind onto paper and lets you clear your thoughts as you go to bed.

It allows you to look back on the time you spent writing to see the evolution of your thoughts and identify common threads of your consciousness. It’s those common threads that you should look at, because those threads are what makeup your composure as you go about your day.

For me, I’ve noticed a lot of passive aggressive anger towards the world, as well as justification for my opinions. It shows me my fear of being judged for what I say or think. I would couch my controversial opinion with self deprecating humor or rationalization.

Now, I’m getting better. I rationalize less, I defend my opinions more often, both on the paper and in my interactions. I’m learning to listen to people’s criticism, and take it as a positive step in the right direction. And I’m really beginning to believe in my own success.

So first, start writing for yourself in a journal. It’ll be embarrassing for sure. Your ideas will seem crude and stupid. You’ll be unwilling to read your own work at times.

But if you don’t start now, you won’t develop a sense of what you believe and think, and will continue to wander aimlessly with a loose set of values that you let fall at the first sight of adversity and challenge.

Just write.

The Fear Of Judgement

Ever change what you’re going to say or do because you know others will be judging what comes out of your mind? It’s a recent battle for myself after beginning this blog, related to the posts I’ve made and opinions I’m beginning to develop.
When I think that others are listening to my voice through my writings, I begin to subconsciously change how I write to be more sensitive to try to appease the “audience”. Even if no one is listening to what I write or say, the fear that you will be judged based upon your work begins to dissuade you from showing who you really are.
This happens for me because when I put out my thoughts and opinions, I’m putting my ego on the line. People can make the snap judgment and jab at who I am, and it can hurt! Although it’s not the same as a basketball game where it’s a physical battle, the same type of lump in the throat feeling develops when I begin to write a paragraph that’s crap, or when I’m about to hit the publish button.
The fear of being judged occurs when you know that your work sucks compared to how you see yourself in your mind. Personally, I know that I have thoughts and theories in my mind that make great sense and bring perspective to the world, but when I put it down on paper, it sounds like a 12 year old with verbal diarrhea trying to convince you that I’m right. The feeling of validation when someone likes a post, or comments on my blog, or sends me a validating text, encourages the weak side of my mind to continue down the same type of atmosphere. I want to experience the same pleasure, so I tend to do the same action.
This type of continual cause-effect relationship has been reflected in studies with chimps. In recent years, researchers completed some studies on the impact of stimulating the pleasure receptors by electrical impulse. They hooked up electrodes to the chimp’s reward side of the mind, and then left a button in their cage that would trigger the electronic impulse that creates pleasure in their mind. The chimp, previously normal n stable, would now sit by the button and push it continually until it passed out or died from starvation. Instead of continuing its normal life and achieving its daily goals, the pleasure of validation (done here by electrical impulse) overrides the internal drive to go after what you want to achieve.
I feel it’s the same type of issue when you write with the goal of hoping other people will give you that validation. The personal development by writing for myself is being replaced by a cat-and-mouse game where I plot what people would want to hear, or would be less offended, and execute on that thought.
So here’s my opinion: You shouldn’t placate your fear of being judged. You shouldn’t sit around and write, then delete what you wrote because the idea might get you labeled as a nut/psycho/feminists/misogynist. The label means that you actual matter to the world. That people actually care about your opinion (even if it’s negative flack). It’s a societal feedback loop to teach you about your own ego and own opinions. Sure you might be wrong, but over time you can change your thoughts based on your life experiences and what you learn from others.
With that said, writing should be done in a private setting, for yourself. Only after you begin to coalesce an opinion on paper, when the idea is flushed out, is when you should begin to think about the posting and audience. Because if you only think about the end goal of showing your thoughts to others, you’ll miss out on the personal development you receive from the process of figuring out what’s actually going on in your mind.
Stand for something, say something you actually think, and take the flack that other people will bring with open eyes and ears. You’re being judged on all levels, internally and externally. So if you want to do something, but decided to not follow through because of the fear of being judged by others, you’re going to internally judge yourself as a weak individual. No matter what you decide to do, judgment is being made (not necessarily a bad thing). Do your best in this life by developing thoughts and sharing those thoughts with others, because you never know what value you can bring to others.  Who knows, you might just help someone on their own journey, save their life, or be the final push they need to go after what they want to achieve in life.

The Process vs The Idea

When people are going after their achievements, whether it be for a team project, job task, entrepreneurial dream, or relationship, they tend to place a lot of pride on the ideas they have and what they contribute to the concept. It can be an exciting time of creation, but can also, and should be, an ego crushing experience. So when you go about this process, here’s two things to keep in mind:

Idea Detachment: You don’t want to get yourself attached to an idea. That’s like becoming the captain whose chained to his ship at his own will. Even if he realizes that it’s a sinking idea, he’ll still go down like a man! Well that’s just stupid. Instead, become the captain who can pilot any ship, who knows when his ideas or concepts are good to continue forward, and also knows when the idea is dead in the water. Sometimes it might be due to the inability of finding people to buy the product, might be due to the starting costs being too steep, not having the righ people or right time, ect. Whatever the challenge you encounter, learn to analyze if your actions are the steps towards the right direction, or steps towards chaining yourself to the ship. That being said, don’t give up an idea just because the voices in the room (or in your head) are trying to shout it down in favor of their own ideas.

Your Idea Isn’t Your Identity:Sometimes you let your idea begin to define your identity. We see that when you run into a religious zealot, political activist, or anyone that defends their ‘idea’ to the very ed, even if it destroys the point of the conversation

It all comes back to being objective with yourself. Be the guy who comes up with hundreds of ideas, and then identifies which one is the best. Don’t be the guy who came up with the first car design, looks as it, and defends it from changes until it becomes so antiquated it destroys his life.

The true value of a creator comes from their ability to come out with the best idea, not to win with their initial thought.

Self-Talk’s Potential

I find that in today’s society, much of the hype and talked about news focuses on other individuals stories… How a certain celebrity is dating someone else. How a person who worked hard for years finally got a massive payout with their successful IPO on the stock market. How a politician slept with prostitutes…football players mega contracts…you can probably fill in the blank with your own experiences.

It feels like we’re focusing on those individuals because it’s an easy target to talk about. Because we can polarize their words or actions and label them as crazy, dumb, brilliant, or whatever term suits our personal need for our personal victory of feeling like we have the authority to judge.

I know I’m guilty of this offense. In my past day-to-day life, it was a common occurrence. In the gym I would see the guys who had yoked, strong, 8 pack, jealous-inducing bodies, and in my mind I would chalk it up to ‘bro science’ and being superficial. When I would see individuals (both guys and girls) who looked like they were works of art chiseled out of stone, I would say to myself that it was only due to genetics, or to HGH shortcuts in life, and that it was ok to not reach that level of awesome. Looking back, I would follow up those statements with actions that would destroy my own goals (eat ice cream, play video games, jerk off, etc.), as if the statement absolved me of being accountable to myself for the next 24 hours.

I may have been right. It may have been true that they were taking shortcuts. But I would always walk away from those situations with a small smirk and narcissistic thought of ‘just you wait, I’ll be there and you’ll be working for me someday.’ Now, looking back, it was just a crutch I would use to write off other people’s success in order to not have to look at my own status of where I was and where I wanted to be.

What I didn’t realize at the time was I was marginalizing my life to be dependent on finding the flaws in those around me who were doing better than me. I was the crab in the bucket that was mentally pulling down those who I thought were funnier than me (“he’s compensating”), more fit than me (“obsessed, steroid freaks”), more successful than me (“born into money, family, etc.”). Instead of taking the inner conversation I was having and turning it on myself to make my life better, I was looking for scapegoats to place my failures so I didn’t have to come to the realization that I might just suck at the moment.

A side effect from this negative approach to life was that I was sidelining my own experiences for those around me. If my life was a movie, I was acting like the supporting role in my life story, slowly turning into an extra. I was watching what others were doing, sitting in the back of the room and doling out pot shots to try to derail those on their path towards achieving their dreams.
What began my shift in consciousness (sounds dumb, but that’s the best way to describe it) was when I began to listen to the Joe Rogan Experience, in particular this type of message he would repeat from time to time (2 minutes, it’s short):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mOZ9ATMg-U

Basically put, you should think of your life as a movie, and you’re casted as the main character. So do as the main character would do in your own movie. It doesn’t have to be an action packed novel, but it should be a movie that you’d be proud of. That when your kids, friends, or family look back on your life, know that you were someone who really went after what they wanted. Sure there will be failures, but it will only be a failure if you don’t get back up a second, third, fourth…you get the idea.

So take a second to write down the script of the awesome movie that you want to be cast in. Be the one who invents technology that saves the world. Be the guy who travels and sees more countryside, forests, jungles, and oasis’s than anyone else. Become the dude who was overweight and fought back to being the fit guy in the gym. The competition should be you against yourself, and you’re the only judge who can tell you if you’re on the right track.

Careful of Self-Deception

It’s stunning how the body and mind can convince itself of what it wants to believe, especially when it thinks it has an understanding of all sides of the situation. But in reality you’re dealing with a tumultuous weather pattern inside your mind. The issue is in your conscious mind thinking that it can track all the projections, dreams, aspirations, and hard facts. In reality…most the time it doesn’t have a clue what it’s facing.

An analogy to this type of situation is what commanders experience in the “Fog of War.” That there are three things you know: what you know you know, what you know you don’t know, and what you don’t know…that you don’t know.

The third part is what makes humans wander into the impossibilities. It’s the fourth door in a three door system where we think there is a gem of wealth, security, and happiness.

And it’s with that possibility that we assemble in our minds the fiction of the fourth door, which causes some of us to overstep our bounds when we take risks that step beyond logic or calculated risk. It’s the fourth door that makes us believe in the psychopaths who say that it’s there, only to leave you burned and wondering how you were so delusional to think it was possible.

But it’s the fourth door that can cause the greats to become the greatest because of the belief in the unbelievable.

So you’re dealing with a double edge sword. If you second guess to much, you’ll be paralyzed with indecision. But if you don’t question your own judgement, you might find yourself out to dry without knowing how you got to that point.

So where does that leave you? Well my take is that it’s a balancing act of being honest with yourself and what you want, and being able to convey that in a world where most people tend to hide their aspirations behind backhanded comments to protect their own insecurities.

In the end, you’ll have to learn through experiences. Don’t take risks that are done based off of pure emotional outbursts or desperation. Take the risks knowing that you’re ready to learn and take responsibility for what happens. Whether or not it fails, you’ll learn something new. Something that will continue to build your rock solid foundation to launch the next decisions that either build or degrade your path to your ultimate version of yourself.

Start Writing

It doesn’t matter if you want people to see it, it doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to type. If you’re reading this, I know you’re capable. Pull the pen and pad out. Open up Word.

But what do I write about? Just start typing, let the words come out of your mind and onto the paper. Who cares if it makes sense? Who cares if it sounds delusional, crazy, or even deadly? It might just help you get the voice in your head out on paper so that it doesn’t keep bouncing around and cause you to go insane. That’s the issue with many people. They have thoughts, they have beliefs that they walk around with every day. But due to social conditioning, you don’t want to share the concept because it might come out as too brash, or too mean spirited, or too whatever. But you then take those concepts that have been sitting in your head, the concepts that might have started a solid conversation, and they start to turn on you at home. They start to make you believe that your ideas are stupid, that you’re stupid, and that the reason why you didn’t share it is because everyone else would have ridiculed the thought. True? Maybe.

Take that first step and put it on paper, whatever it’s about. Placing the thought on paper allows you to look at the concept objectively, without the self-doubting voice playing the immediate devil’s advocate and stopping you from saying it out loud. Because it’s the writers of the generations that are remembered, the people who were willing to share the thought. But the first person that they shared the thought with was themselves. So become your first reader, become your first listener, and begin to understand that if you can write something that maybe makes an inkling of sense to you, there has to be a group of people out there that it will resonate with.

Me? I never wrote, only started just last week. But I’ve been thinking for so long about concepts that it’s been placing me in a paralysis that makes me stagnate from becoming the man that I want to become. So let it out, maybe just to your own computer, or post it in reddit. Forcing yourself to write will allow your thoughts to begin to coalesce into something of substance, vs. the 5 second remark that doesn’t make much sense.

Write. For Yourself. For your inner voice. To defeat the self-doubting voice within.

Take Action

You’re probably reading this on the computer, or tablet, or phone, or something, just whatever.

I’ve been in the same place you might be at right now, again and again, when you’re on reddit.com/r/getmotivated, or some sort of website that tells you that you’re worth more than you think, and you sit there and nod your head. But what do you actually do from that moment, do you agree and then click next, hoping for another good photo to make you feel better about the situation that you’re in, hoping that someday it’ll cause some serious amount of money, or cute girl, or sexy as fuck guy, to land in your lap?

I know that feeling. And I’ve lived it. Day after day, month after month, of debilitating sitting-ness (I termed that). Where you tell yourself that in the next five minutes, you’ll get to that paper, or get to cleaning that room, or calling up those friends, or hitting up the gym, or shaving your face and getting a better sense of who you are.

And then you start to get angry, angry at the motivational pictures, second guessing the motives of those who wrote them. I know that it turns from motivation to thinking that the person who wrote down the quote was actually just a failed individual who wanted their own validation through an upvote, or positive comment, or whatever the fuck they want to justify their own abject failure in their life. And you know what, maybe that’s true for some of them. Maybe that’s true for a lot of them.

But…fuck you. Fuck you for being a conceited piece of shit who projected your own emotional failures on someone who actually tried to make something. Fuck you for being angry at people who just wanted to push you in the right direction. Fuck you for not taking responsibility of your own path in life. And you know what, fuck you for not caring enough about yourself for taking the reins of your own life and becoming something, ANYTHING, that you can be proud of.

I don’t care if it’s the accomplishment of eating healthy for one meal, or two, or for a whole day, then week. I don’t exactly give a fuck if it’s even just taking a shower once a day and preparing yourself so you actually have a chance at looking in the mirror and not feeling the need to yell at the soul that’s staring back at you, with the dreary eyes and failed mind. Just shut down your pitiful little excuse generator in your head, and tell it to go to hell, because that’s where you’re all going to go if you don’t. I’m not talking the brimstone and fire type of hell. I’m talking about the hell when you wakeup a couple years down the road, and finally, due to the impending visit from death, have to start eating right, or have to start taking drugs because you don’t have enough confidence in yourself to get started and making the right decisions.

And sure, maybe you want to have the same story that many successful people have, reaching rock bottom and then building yourself from your own ashes. But realize that for the few that made it from rock bottom, were hundreds who told themselves the same thing…only to have died without even a notice from society.
Take the calculated risks necessary to get to where you want to get, because you’ll be dead soon enough. Make it a journey your children will remember and be inspired from. Take the moment to shut off the TV and sit in silence and think about where you want to be, and visualize the path there.

But whatever you do, stop clicking next on the screen for the best motivation, because you’re not going to find it. It’s in you. Take a second and realize that all the pictures here and songs and quotes are all just trying to kick start that fire inside of you. Be the one who kindles it to a flame, and torch what’s necessary to make it to the end.